Kathryn Hudson

Let Me Hold Your Bag

K. Hudson 8 July 2020

When I was a kid, contrary to a veneer of learned bravado, I was actually afraid of a lot of things. Fights (good thing I ran fast), heights, nights... plenty of things, some of which made good sense, and others, less so.

But maybe at the top of my list was riding on a roller coaster. The heights, the rickety-ness (real or imagined – at Lake Hopatcong, it was terribly real!), all made for a recipe for disaster that I felt down to my bones.

That said, no one wants to be deemed a chicken, so when it was time for a gang to go on a roller coaster, I would make myself useful, and hold the bags. Freed of these burdens that were NOT allowed on the rides lest they fall down on some unsuspecting head, my friends would gleefully ride, grateful that I had decided to “take one for the team,” not noticing a pattern in place.

These days, after years of forcing myself to ride them in order to face my fears, I can say I don’t have the same terror facing what the French call “Russian Mountains”, but I still am happy to stay grounded and hold onto the bags of others. (Tilt-a-Whirl is more my speed. :-)

Today it dawns on me that we – the whole world, really – find ourselves on one hell of a roller coaster/ between Covid and all other social and ecological perturbations, this Life of ours, individually and collectively, is getting one hell of a shakeup!

Now, as an adult, I see the wisdom in NOT getting on the ride, in holding the bags of others, in keeping my feet solid and grounded no matter what madness whirls about all around.

I recognize that as a kid, I felt pressured to go to the edge: the edge of the subway platform, the edge of the highway, roller coasters, and later, drugs and alcohol... in the Bronx of the 70s, there was no dearth of edgy experience.

Today is not so different. Racism reveals itself anew, colming up for air and healing, and new challenges heretofor unimagined announce themselves. Back then, nuclear destruction, now the destruction-by-humans of the earth.

What a roller coaster!

The COVID pandemic has given us all a time-out, a pause button to offer a breather to the Earth, spinning too fast these days with human scurrying.

But the edginess is on the rise as sickness levels decrease or increase, as confinement and other measures change the reality of our every day, as social unrest coupled with the quiet of the timeout make what WAS no longer possible even as what WILL BE is not yet here. This unknopwn, neither here-nor-there zone is a gray area which is out of our comfort zone, which is both good and bad news for us.

The GOOD news is that growth and emerging life only gets birthed when we venture out of our comfort zones. And the BAD news? Well, it isn’t comfortable!

The way I see it, there are two choices/ either get on the “the earth is falling” bandwagon and shriek on the roller coaster... or hold the bags and the space for change.If we stay OFF the exciting but dangerous roller coaster, our nervous system will be wrung out in brief order (have you seen the videos? This is already happening!)

So, how to stay OFF that emotional roller coaster ride? Here are some tips I will be working with.

1. I will hold the bags. I can listen to folks I care about kvetching without joining in, knowing that we each deal with crisis in our own way.
2. I will stay away altogether. If I am too tired to hold the bags, I will absent myself from situations that are trying to my soul.
3. I will keep my feet on the ground. Staying grounded in the body with exercises of all kinds, breathing, stretching, walking or running, swimming... anything that helps me excise energy and stay calm with do the trick.
4. I will create. Writing (like this blog), dancing, music, all uplifting activity reinforces the underlying innate power we have of creation, reminding us that we are not without power over our own experience.
5. I will stay off the TV. The fearmongers live there. No sense hanging with them, as energy seeks equilibrium, always.
6. I will have fun. Play is the opposite of panic. Laughter the opposite of shrieking. Having fun every singly day, no matter what or how, is a key for coming out unscathed, and maybe even stronger.

Time for me to go, now, and do all those things.

Let me know if you need me to hold onto your bags.

Love from Paris...

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